Change

My pastor at Destiny Church Mike Goolsbay said something on Sunday that had me writing as fast as I could. I hope I wrote it down correctly. He said, "You can stay where you are until God changes you, but it is inexcusable to keep yourself out of the presence of God." I was amazed and loved the quote, but immediately wondered if it was scriptural. A few minutes later Pastor Mike read us Isaiah 64:6-8.

⁶ All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
⁷ No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us
and have given us over to our sins.

⁸ Yet you, LORD, are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.

Also see Is. 29:16, Is. 45:9, Jer. 18:1-6, and Rom. 9:19-21.

I haven't thoroughly studied this, but what a revelation it is in this era of self-help resources! I don't have to change myself, but I do need to submit to God changing me. Imagine the clay trying to mold itself. He is the potter. I just need be on the pottery wheel and submit to His molding.

Influence and Appreciation

This morning I realized one reason (not the only reason, but a very significant one) that God led me to be a math education major in college. Lately, with my new thoughts on education, I have really questioned the path I took through high school and college; but I remember clearly that the Holy Spirit led me to major in math education when I was just a junior in high school. Today I have a level of understanding I didn't previously have, thanks to this revelation (which came during praise and worship at church, as insights often do for me.) It still doesn't answer all of my questions, but I am happy to have this piece of the puzzle and wanted to share it.

I realized that God led me to be a math education major so that I could be discipled by a certain mathematics professor, Dr. Rakestraw, a true hero of the faith. From the first semester of my freshman year through my senior year, I was privileged to learn from this great man. I believe there was only one or two semesters of college when I didn't take one of his classes (very unusual, even in a small department like mathematics.) Dr. Rakestraw was a tremendous teacher. He held down a consulting job with a major oil company "to support his teaching habit." He was the real deal: a true mathematician, published original mathematics and all; AND he could explain calculus and linear algebra so that everyone in the class could understand (a truly rare combination.) But the real influence on my life was his walk with the Lord. Every semester he started the first class with "Axiom 1," as he called Col. 3:17, "Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." He would tell us that he believed in tithing, and not just money. He believed in tithing time, so in our 50 minute classes, we would give the first 5 minutes each day to God. In those 5 minutes a day (or 10 if he really got going) for the 6+ semesters I sat under him, I received about 24 hours of solid Bible teaching and character training. He would usually open his Bible and share something he had personally been reading or something that the Lord had shown him. Occasionally he would have a book recommendation or a story or some advice for us to follow, but mostly it was simply the Word and his thoughts on it. Those 24 hours have stood me in much better stead than the 240 or so hours of mathematics he taught me (although those were good, too, just not eternal.) In addition, Dr. Rakestraws life exemplified godliness. He was a man of integrity and was always soft-spoken, loving, and kind, even to his most obtuse students. He also demonstrated his belief that God had a plan for each of us.

As a result of his example for most of the six years I taught high school and junior high mathematics, I began each class in a similar manner (at least most classes, unfortunately I was less consistent than Dr. Rakestraw.) I pray that some of my words impacted my students the way Dr. Rakestraw's did me, but I KNOW that I got much benefit out of teaching a small Bible lesson 5 times a day to my classes (that was over 300 hours of teaching the Bible, even allowing for a lot of skipping!) It is true that the teacher learns the most, and God's Word does not return void.

Isaiah 55:11
"so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Dr. Rakestraw passed into the next life ten years ago and the world is a poorer place without him. I am eternally grateful for his influence and look forward to thanking him in person some day, but today I am going to write a Christmas card to his widow (thank goodness for the internet, I just hope the address is correct) telling her what I wish I would have told him when he was alive.

Thank you, Dr. Rakestraw, for your obedience to daily teach your students from the living Word of God; and thank You Lord for leading me to a university and a major that put me in the position to learn from such a man.

So much going on inside

Honestly I cannot even describe it. God is working in several areas of my life. I am feeling such a draw towards small groups/Bible study/discipleship. I also must let go of my clutter and some things that aren't clutter, but have become idols to me (I only discovered that they were idols after God spoke to me about getting rid of them.) I am in the process of following the Lord in something He told me to do in regards to orphans, but I am sensing a shift and am a bit scared by it. I have many excuses that roll around in my head part of the time, but the most of the time there is a sense of excitement all over me.

Just yesterday a blogger I follow posted this: http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2010/12/nets.html

And this morning I read in Hebrews 10 again (have been "stuck" there for some time.)

Heb. 10:23-25
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.

"The day" is definitely drawing near. In this verse I see small group and individual discipleship and encouragement.

Heb. 10:32-34
But remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly, by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated. For you showed sympathy to the prisoners, and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and an abiding one.

We do not value persecution like they once did. Accepting it joyfully. Not happy about the persecution, but thankful that we are counted worthy to suffer for the Lord's sake, and willing to take that stand. Not just fighting the persecution with politics. We have a better possession and an ABIDING ONE!

Heb. 10:37-38
For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

May I not shrink back! I was put here for His glory, and I want to give pleasure to Him. He will give me the grace I need to follow Him all the way if I provide a willing heart. By His grace, I will put actions to my words.

One more thing: I realized that all of this is going on INSIDE me, yet most people who know me would never know it. I hope to change that. To let my light shine. It scares me to think that people may know what a freak, what a radical, I am; but I am ready to drop my nets and follow Him.

God's word impacting real life--the story of the minivans

I have a story to tell today. It is a story I am currently living, a story that is not finished. It is not normally in my nature to tell about things like this, I prefer anonymity and being behind the scenes, but the Lord really prompted me to write about it here.

About six months ago the air conditioning in my minivan quit working. It was May and it was going to cost about $1000 to fix. I had the money, but at this point I started to wonder if it was time for a van upgrade. My 2000 Dodge Grand Caravan had been a huge blessing to me (and it is its own God story), but maybe it was time to move on. I did some looking and narrowed down what I wanted: a Toyota Sienna, 2005 or newer, 8 passenger, with a CD player but preferably not a DVD player. The bad part was that I would have to take out a loan, and I am extremely against debt, having been deep in debt, DEEP in DEBT, at one point in my life and having received revelation from God about my finances. All the same, I started praying for my Toyota Sienna.

At this same time, God impressed me to give my current minivan to a friend of mine who is also a widow. I won't go into her situation, but I knew she would really benefit from having a reliable vehicle. I felt bad that she would have to fix the A/C, but that sure seemed a lot cheaper than buying a new car. Of course all of MY money would have to go to the new vehicle...

The deal is, it isn't MY money. I already knew that. I have had that revelation for years. In fact, money was probably one of the first areas of my life that I came to totally trust God in. I felt God prompting me to fix the A/C. So I did.

Before getting the A/C fixed, I excitedly called my friend to ask if she was having vehicle troubles. She wasn't at that exact moment (other than her A/C being out), but she described the constant worry she was in about her vehicle. I told her that I was praying for her and that God knew her difficulties since He was prompting me to pray. Was it a lie? Not exactly, but I sure didn't tell her that He told me to give her my van.

After I got the A/C fixed on the Dodge, I lost my motivation to buy a new minivan. I still halfheartedly looked and visited car lots on my way home from church, occasionally checked Craig's list, etc. But the excitement and motivation wasn't there. I almost (but not quite) forgot what the Lord had told me to do.

Fast forward six months to November 15 (two days ago.) My Dodge Grand Caravan is running great. I had completely stopped looking for my Toyota Sienna. I had even pretty much stopped praying about it, except when I happened to notice one and think about it (not often.) I thought about my friend. I hadn't talked to her in a while. She is almost never on Facebook, but I posted on her FB wall (after seeing she had posted a couple of pictures so still was coming to FB, at least occasionally.) Later that day SHE posts on FB that she needs to find a new car because her mechanic told her it was time to give up on the one she has. She was looking for wise council and a reputable car dealer. God immediately brought back to my remembrance what He had instructed me to do. I prayed about it, saying, "But I need a vehicle to drive. I can't just give mine away and have nothing, and I don't have the TIME right now to do a car search, You know how time consuming that is, God." I wasn't unwilling, exactly, just not seeing how it would all work out and feeling like I was in a busyness crunch with the holidays coming up. I wasn't quite trusting, yet. I felt God prompting my heart that he would find the right van for me and it wouldn't take up an inordinate amount of time. I looked online briefly and saw that the one car dealer I personally know (he is a friend of my dad's) had a 2000 Toyota Sienna with lower miles than my van for an amount I could pay cash for. Hmmm...I prayed about it, felt pretty good about it, decided to sleep on it before doing anything drastic.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I prayed, read the Word in 2 Cor. 8 where Paul is talking to the Corinthians about giving. Verses 10-14 were especially appropriate.

2 Corinthians 8:10-14 (New Living Translation)

¹⁰ Here is my advice: It would be good for you to finish what you started a year ago. Last year you were the first who wanted to give, and you were the first to begin doing it. ¹¹ Now you should finish what you started. Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. ¹² Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. ¹³ Of course, I don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. ¹⁴ Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal.

WOW! Did you read that!?! Amazingly appropriate!!! When God speaks to me, He ALWAYS confirms it in His Word, if I ask and seek. That way, I know that I am not flying off willy-nilly, half-cocked. I have often been SHOCKED at how verses written thousands of years ago apply DIRECTLY to my situation. God is amazing!

I had woken up knowing what I was to do and starting to trust God with it, and after reading the above I was SURE. I then got on the computer to do a little research. I looked up Blue Book values of the 2000 Sienna and I went to another website to research the 2000 Sienna. That website had a "search for cars in your area" button, so I clicked it and it took me to AutoTrader. Listed on AutoTrader was the 2000 Sienna that I already knew about and a 2001 Sienna with lower miles for a comparable price and with a free Carfax report. It was being sold by a private seller. I prayed...amazed that I had two good options. I felt best about the private seller, so I called the phone number at around 9:00 a.m. She mentioned that she didn't really want to sell the car, but her husband had recently died and she didn't need the extra vehicle anymore. I could go on and on and ON about this sweet lady and the coincidences and things we have in common and how great this minivan is and how she lowered the price to lower than the other one I was looking at and how much lower than blue book value I got it for; but to make a long story short, by 12:45 I was the happy owner of a 2001 Toyota Sienna with a CD player (and no DVD player) and was on the phone to my friend telling her that God told me to give the Dodge Grand Caravan to her.

Not just one, not just two, but THREE widows are blessed because of this. God is an AMAZING God! HE IS SO GOOD!!!

I am hoping that today I can get the Grand Caravan to my friend. Also, you may have noticed that my new Sienna is not a 2005 or newer, also it doesn't seat 8 (they didn't start making ones that seat 8 until 2005.) I am super-excited, because I am confident that that minivan will come at the right time for the right price and that I won't have to take out a loan and that I will be able to bless someone else with the 2001 Sienna. The way God has worked this out has been so amazing that it leaves no room for doubt that I am in His good hands. I don't need to fret or worry...just listen and obey. His plans are ALWAYS better than our plans. And I can tell you, it TRULY is more blessed to give than to receive!

Examples

"...shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock." II Peter 5:2-3

From the margin of my Bible there are six verses cross-referenced to the phrase "examples to the flock." Look them up and see if there are marginal note for them.

John 13:15
Phil. 3:17
1 Thess. 1:7
2 Thess. 3:9
1 Tim. 4:12
Titus 2:7

"For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you." 2 Thess. 3:7 (this was not cross-referenced above, but was cross referenced from 2 Thess. 3:9.)

Ouch. I could not say this to my children and have it be the truth. I have to work on my own life before I can set a good example for them. "Do as I say, not as I do" is not a Godly principle. I need to have the Holy Spirit show me where my example needs to change and then look to Him for the strength to change it.

More Bible Study Information

My good friend has a Bible study blog and she posted today under the title "I Don't Know How to Study." Her post is wonderfully informative with links to lots of resources and with several different methods of study. I would HIGHLY encourage you to read it!

http://whatistudy.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-dont-know-how-to-study.html

I will quote one of my favorite things she says that I hadn't previously thought of, "there is a time for shallow and a time for deep. And we need balance of both. When you dig into a topic so deep that you ignore all else, you can fall into error. But if you only ever skim the surface, shallowly, you also won't get the wisdom and insight that you need." She advocates STUDYING a topic and also devotional Bible reading for an overview. Very wise! Now go read the whole post!

Bible Study Ideas

If you are ready to start studying your Bible instead of just reading it devotionally (reading devotionally is good, too, but in my experience study opens up whole new worlds) here are a few tips and ideas I have. Of course, these are not the only ways to study the Bible, but they are what I have done personally. You will need a Bible, preferably one with cross references; a concordance; a notebook; and a pencil or pen. Also helpful is access to different version of the Bible. Bible Gateway is a good site for different versions, and I'm sure that there are online concordances available (if you know of a good one, please let me know.) I generally either start with a particular verse or passage that I want to study OR a topic (e.g. widows, hope, etc.)

If you start with a verse:
• Look it up in different versions
• Look at the marginal notes (especially other scripture references)
• Look up key words in the dictionary (even words you know the meaning of)
• Look in a concordance for the Hebrew or Greek meaning of the key words
• If you find a word that you want to investigate further, see below


If you start with a topic:
• Look up that word in a concordance to find verses that speak to you (this can be tricky, especially if the topic is huge, hopefully I'll write more about this step later)
• Look up other related words (you can find other words translated from the same Hebrew or Greek word in a concordance or you can get ideas in a thesaurus)
• If you find a verse to investigate further, see above

If a topic is too big or overwhelming or is just not what you are focusing on right now, but you would like to get to it later, start a collection of references, gathered as you come across them. Save them for later when you are ready to do something with them.

I would encourage you to write out verses by hand, as much as is practical. This is very helpful to paying attention to every word and really meditating on it. Sometimes it is good to write a verse on an index card and put it where you will see it frequently. Sometimes I end up writing the same verses down multiple times over a period of weeks or months, and getting something new out of them every single time. Of course, the most important elements are an open heart and a willingness to listen to God’s leading and the Holy Spirit's insight.

I Corinthians 13:2

And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

What I Did With My Collection

I took out a spiral notebook (the kind that are 10 for $1 in the back-to-school sales--I always keep a good supply on hand.) I looked up a couple of the scriptures in my collection to get ideas for organization, then I decided that the task of organizing them was way too overwhelming so I just split them into two categories: THE SOURCE and PURPOSE & METHOD (i.e. everything else.) Then I randomly chose a reference, looked it up, decided which of my two broad categories it fit best in, and then hand-copied it into my spiral notebook. It was that simple. Of course, I would pray, sometimes pause with insight, and occasionally have an "Ah-ha!" moment, but overall it was just a lot of copywork. A lot of copywork done with an open heart and a desire to see God's plan for education. I crossed the scripture reference off on my dog-eared paper after I had written out the verse and then chose another one. Some days I just chose the shortest scriptures. Other days I wrote out entire chapters. I always read both before and after the verses to get the context, and sometimes wrote those verses down, too. Some days, due to lack of time or because of a gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit, instead of copying down more verses, I would go back and read the ones I had already written. I would highlight, underline, and meditate on these verses. This copywork went on for months; in fact, I have still not completed writing down all the passages in my collection, and I occasionally find new verses to add to my collection. It is ongoing. The Bible has a LOT to say about education.

Slowly, slowly, my view on education began to change. It changed from the inside out. It changed, not because of what someone else told me, but through the Holy Spirit bringing God's Word to life in my heart. This is how Romans 12:2 looks in my life. This is how I have been transformed by the renewing of my mind.

Psalm 25:12

Who is the man who fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.

My Collection

I homeschool my children. Before they were even born my husband and I planned to homeschool "differently" and "uniquely." You see, although I loved school and it seemed to be a great fit for me, my husband (who was highly intelligent) did not have good school experiences. He was adamant that we not have "school at home." Unfortunately he didn't live to see the beginning of our official homeschooling. Frankly, he would have been disappointed because my eldest's preschool program looked awfully like school at home (and not one of those great hands-on preschools, either.) Fortunately it fell by the wayside in a few months when it became obvious that he was not ready for worksheets and formal learning, and we went back to our happy lives just exploring and learning naturally.

About this time I started researching homeschooling. First I researched curriculum. I researched exhaustively, and through that research came up with what I believed were the best curricula available at the time. I also researched philosophies and methods. I read books, researched on the internet, and paid attention to how my children learned. This was all good and valuable.

A year or two passed. I came across a concept called "Lifestyle of Learning" which I began to embrace. I obtained many of Marilyn Howshall's out-of-print books and devoured them (see sidebar for her new website--she is back in ministry after a several year hiatus.) They told of being led by the Holy Spirit in educating your children. This made sense to me and to some degree I followed through, but something was still lacking. More years passed. During those years I began to really study my Bible. I did my widow study and some other smaller word studies. I started to study about education, but got bogged down and distracted.

While I was reading my Bible one day, I came across a scripture that pertained to learning and education and I decided to jot down the reference so in the future I could come back to it. Thus began my scripture collection. On an old piece of notebook paper, folded in half and stuck in my Bible, I wrote down references for any scripture I ran across that had to do with teaching, learning, education, knowledge, wisdom, etc. I did this for a year or two, until my paper had scripture references written at all angles all over one half of that piece of paper. I decided it was time to do something with my collection.

The Other Key

There is one other major key to this transformation. It is the Holy Spirit. We need to Holy Spirit to help us to understand and apply the Word of God.

John 14:26
"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you."

John 16:13-15
"But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. He shall glorify Me; for He shall take of Mine, and shall disclose it to you. All things that the Father has are Mine; therefore I said, that He takes of Mine and will disclose it to you."

Now, if you are like me, you just skimmed over those verses and quickly moved on to this paragraph. As much as I love reading the Word on my own I often skim over it when it is written in a book or on a blog. (Why I would want to know what a person says more than what God says, I can't explain, but that is what I tend to do, and I doubt that it is very unusual.) What I want you to do right now is go back and read, Read, really READ those verses above. (I would strongly recommend reading all of John 14-17. This is Jesus' last discourse to his disciples.) Without the Holy Spirit, we cannot benefit from the full impact of the Word. The Holy Spirit TEACHES us. He is the Spirit of Truth. Much of the Word of God is a mystery...foolishness to the world. We need the Holy Spirit to make it clear to us.

Yes, I am talking about being "filled with the Holy Spirit." Frankly, I haven't studied much about the Holy Spirit, and I feel rather unqualified to write about this. I wouldn't even approach this subject if I didn't feel that it was so vital. I may not have much "head knowledge" on this subject, but I was filled with the Holy Spirit at a young age with the evidence of speaking in tongues, and I know that the power I have had to live my life has come through the power of the Holy Spirit. I speak in tongues daily, and I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and to reveal truth. I cannot imagine living my life in any other way.

I realize this a controversial topic, and I definitely believe that you can be saved without being filled with the Holy Spirit, but I also know that the Bible teaches that these are two separate experiences that are still relevant today. When I read about the ministry of the Holy Spirit (comforting-John 14:16, John 15:26; leading us into truth and teaching us-John 16:13, John 14:26; revealing the things of God to us-I Cor. 2:10-14; giving us power-Acts 1:8, I Cor. 2:4, Rom. 15:19; giving us hope-Rom. 15:13; teaching us what to say-Luke 12:12; empowering us to speak the Word with boldness-Acts 4:31; etc.), I definitely don't want to be left out of any of it!

Here is an article (and also a free mp3 download) by one of my favorite ministers that explains more http://www.awmi.net/extra/article/holy_spirit

I would encourage you to look into this for yourself if you have not experienced it. Please feel free to ask me if you have questions. I'll do my best to answer them or point you somewhere that you can get the answers.

Psalm 119:97-99

O how I love Thy law!
It is my meditation all the day.
Thy commandments make me wiser than my enemies,
For they are ever mine.
I have more insight than all my teachers,
For Thy testimonies are my meditation.

The Crux of the Core

We enjoy listening to Hank the Cowdog audiobooks when we travel. There is one silly phase that has always stuck with me as a good one: "the crux of the core." Yes, Hank is ignorantly combining two expressions that mean the same thing-- "the heart of the matter." I like it because of the double emphasis. Today, in my unusual second-day-in-a-row-with-time-in-the-morning-to-post, I am going to get straight to the main point rather than leading up to it gradually.

I can trace the beginning of my metamorphosis to one point: when I began to focus my study in God's Word. I have been a Christian since childhood. I have never seriously rebelled. I have always had daily quiet times to read the Bible and pray. Yes, there have been a few dry periods, but for the vast majority of the past 35 years--and I'll be 40 this fall--I have read my Bible every day. I know that this produced some fruit. Because of it I have a relatively good overall knowledge of the Word, and often a specific scripture would minister to me at a particular time, but I did not see wholesale changes in my life. I didn't even know that changes were possible...or needed.

At one point, three or four years ago, I decided to study out the scriptures related to widows. I was widowed in 2003 and God had since led other young widows into my life. I wanted to consolidate what God had to say about widows. It was a wonderful study. I learned so much about God's heart for the widow; but at the same time, unbeknownst to me, I was studying about the orphan, too. Most scriptures in the Bible that are about how God takes care of the widow, also tell how he takes care of the orphan. About a year or so after I did that study, God suddenly dropped into my heart that I was supposed to adopt a child from Asia. It wasn't until several months into the process that I made the connection to my Bible study. Super T came home in January and has been such a blessing to our family. I don't know what we did without him. Through my studying of scriptures about widows, God changed my heart toward the orphan. It was automatic and effortless and unperceived until the butterfly emerged and, soon after, took flight.

After I saw the benefits of my widow study, I began to study other things. The most recent item on the study menu has been education, but that will be a topic for another entire post (or several.)

Pick a topic and study it out. Think about those verses. Pray about them. It is the Word that has the power to TRANSFORM our lives. You may not see immediate changes, but they are going on in your mind. His Word renews your mind...transforming it into what He wants it to be.

Metamorphosis

Does the caterpillar know what is going to happen to it when it makes its chrysalis? Does it know that after a few weeks of seeming inactivity it will emerge a butterfly?

I am compelled to write about changes that occurred in me that I didn't even know were happening...things I didn't plan on. They were a natural outgrowth of my spiritual life...mostly of my study of the Bible, the Word of God. This is not a formula. I am going to tell what happened in me, but really I didn't plan for or expect it. Of course, now that I have seen how it works, I am more deliberate about it.

I hope this blog can help you see how this transformation has occurred in my life so you can be deliberate about building your chrysalis and effecting change in your life. You may not be able to predict the form that this change will take, but it will be good. It will be very good and exciting and maybe scary. Imagine that first thrilling flight of a newly transformed butterfly...

Floppy Wings

Do you see that fourth butterfly up there? That is how I feel. My metamorphosis has occurred, but my wings are still floppy. Soon I hope to be able to stretch them out and fly.