I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Rom 12:1-2

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Amazing Grace

One year ago yesterday I signed up for eHarmony.  One year ago today I was matched with a man who immediately contacted me using eHarmony's guided communication.  We met in person nine days later and got married eight months after that.  This is the beginning of our story, but actually our story together begins long before we met and is an example of God's amazing grace.

On November 15, 2013 I started a new journal. My entry that day was one sentence: "God is doing a work in my heart to be open to remarriage."

I don't believe that all dates are coincidental (the big example of that in my life is explained here), however I never gave the date I wrote that line a second thought until we were planning our wedding and had three potential dates on the table.  Only one of those dates was a Saturday and was therefore preferred.  We got married on Saturday November 15, 2014.

I spent the four months leading up to my eHarmony debut in prayer about this potential new season in my life.  Years before I had firmly shut the door of my mind on remarriage and had followed that up with actions that made remarriage seem less likely than literally winning the lottery (which I had already done figuratively once.)  God gave me many many scriptures and spoke to my heart about how it would be soon and quick.  I shared a bit with my pastor and he gave me some words of wisdom.  By January 1, 2014, God had given me a verse for the year and a word for the year.  The word was HOME.  I had no idea what He meant by that.  The verse was Ephesians 3:20-21.

 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,  Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
Interestingly this isn't a promise verse, but it is one that I had been given prophetically by my dentist when I was eighteen years old.  That year I got a full ride scholarship to college, plus so much outside scholarship money that it took care of room and board and I got a refund check every semester.  Who has even heard of that?  It was crazy.  Definitely exceeding abundantly above all I asked or imagined!  God often gives me scriptures for seasons in my life and had NEVER given me this verse again until 2014.

I have to admit that all of this sounds lovely and spiritual, and it was, but in between my wonderful and encouraging times with the Lord, my regular life had gone downhill.  I had been happy and content in my life, but ever since God started stirring in my heart about remarriage I had become more and more discontent, unhappy, lonely, and generally restless.  My discontent peaked at the beginning of March and I decided to "do something."  I kind of felt like I should sign up for eHarmony, but I was in such a funk that I really didn't think I was hearing from God.  I went ahead and filled out their giant questionnaire, but got sticker shock when it came time to pay.  I then went and found a free Christian singles site and signed up for that.  I realized that one of the things that had been holding me back from online dating was pride, and pride is not a good reason for doing (or not doing) something.  That particular dating site definitely wasn't for me, though, and two days later I followed my first leading and bit the bullet and paid for eHarmony (after finding a coupon code, of course).  That was March 4, 2014.  By March 5 I had several interesting "matches." Only one of them contacted me (not counting the creepy guy I had to get rid of).  He was a local man, an engineer who was a committed Christian and who volunteered time every summer to go to Russia to help with a camp for children with Down syndrome.

To Be Continued...

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

A letter to my late husband on his birthday

Dear Michael,

I can hardly believe I still miss you this much. As we celebrate your 44th birthday, the 12th we have celebrated without you, why are these tears spilling out? I am happy. I truly am. I have a wonderful life. Your babies aren't babies anymore, but rather one is a handsome and intelligent teen who is the spitting image of you in both looks and personality and the other is a beautiful, growing-up-too-fast talented and tender-hearted young lady.  To your two babies I have added another two treasures so now I have four just like we always said we wanted, minimum (although we both not-so-secretly wanted six).  I am blessed to be able to homeschool like we always wanted to. I have a wonderful church, supportive friends, and even an amazing new love (never saw that coming after 11 years alone). So why? Why does it still hurt? Why do I still miss you? Why do I just want to talk to you?  I guess it is a testament to our friendship and the life we built together. You know, I am convinced that I have been able to love again because of our good relationship and the friendship we had. Thank you for that. I really thank you for that.  I wish I could tell you all about my life now. I know you'd love hearing about the kids, and I would give absolutely anything to discuss so many other things with you. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss that we could talk all day and all night and never run out of things to say.  I am grateful for my life now and so grateful for the lessons that grief has taught me. I am a better person for having relied on God's grace through the suffering and pain to make it to the joy on the other side.  But that joy doesn't change the fact that you are gone and I miss you.  It makes me smile to think of you in heaven. I know you are happy now, and I know you are happy for me. I'm sure that by the time the kids and I are bowling for your birthday celebration and I am telling stories of their dad's exploits I will have smiles rather than tears, but right now I just miss you.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

First world problem

After a week with basically no internet, I learned a few things:
1. I am way more productive when I don't have internet.
2. I can't do several crucial things without internet (which means #1 is really only partially true).
3. I spend way too much time on Facebook and reading blogs and articles.
4. I am going to change the way I use the internet, just focus on the vital stuff, and spend less time online.
5. I am going to change tomorrow.   Today I am going to bask in faster browsing speeds.  Thank goodness the technician came right before naptime. ;)

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Fifteen years ago today

I love my life and I am very happy, but I still miss him.  We were married for less than five years.  He has been gone for more than ten.  Today we will leave an American flag at his headstone to honor the most patriotic man I have ever known.  

I may shed a tear or two, but mostly I will enjoy my day with his children plus the two wonderful kiddos I have added since he died.  Being happy and enjoying my life doesn't mean I don't miss him with all of my heart.  It does mean that I live in the land of the living and look forward instead of backward most of the time.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV)

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Two traumatic true stories

We have had a great weekend, but there were two brief episodes that were ummm...interesting....  Sorry I didn't get pictures of either event as they were both spontaneous and, well, rather traumatic in the moment.

Last night Baby Girl was last in the bath.  That fact is important because it means that the bar of soap had been water logged by both Super-T and Little Pud and was a soft squishy version of its former self.  For unknown reasons, Baby Girl decided to take a HUGE bite of soap.  This is the same Baby Girl who is completely tube-fed and refuses to let any food or beverage down her gullet, but non-edible things?  Yes!  Let's gnosh tissues and sand and now SOAP!  The crying didn't start right away.  In fact she didn't seem fazed until I, realizing she had a huge wad of soap stuck to the roof of her mouth, decided to get it out.  Girlfriend has mad tongue skills when it comes to getting something unwanted out of her mouth, but apparently the soap was just so soft and sticky that she couldn't move it and it had become attached to her palate.  Enter my finger (OUCH!) then a spoon, and finally a toothbrush.  It took several minutes and LOTS of crying and foaming at the mouth (literally) before Baby Girl was finally soap free.  The residual crying and sob-breathing lasted a long time.  I tried to sympathize, but I wasn't so successful and confess to laughing.  But don't worry, I was paid back, because the next traumatic experience was just for me.

This morning I loaded up three kiddos and headed to church.  The Philosopher has been at a living history event all weekend so he wasn't with us (if he had been, this story would most likely be quite different.)  When we were nearly to church I saw a big turtle right in the middle of the road.  The road was completely deserted, but I knew there would soon be lots of traffic with first service letting out and second service starting, so I stopped, flipped on the hazards, and told the kids, "I'll be right back."  I hopped out to rescue the nice turtle.  I love all animals and hated to think of someone running over this guy.  I picked him up and immediately was rewarded with cold "water" splashing all over my feet.  Yes, Mr. Turtle peed on me.  Shocked, but remembering my mission, I ran him to the grass by the side of the road and jumped back in the car where Little Pud needed confirmation that the gallons of "water" were in fact what she suspected.  Fortunately the minivan is well-stocked with wipes, Mr. Turtle mostly got my feet, and I was wearing easily-cleaned flip flops.  There was no time to go home.  Just time to laugh and have the kids laugh at me while I wiped off.  So, if you saw me at church this morning, I had turtle toes.  I cringe to think about it.  On the other hand, I see a homeschool science lesson:  cold-blooded animals have cold urine and apparently can hold more than the actual volume of their body.  Who knew?

How was your weekend?