Change

My pastor at Destiny Church Mike Goolsbay said something on Sunday that had me writing as fast as I could. I hope I wrote it down correctly. He said, "You can stay where you are until God changes you, but it is inexcusable to keep yourself out of the presence of God." I was amazed and loved the quote, but immediately wondered if it was scriptural. A few minutes later Pastor Mike read us Isaiah 64:6-8.

⁶ All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
⁷ No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you;
for you have hidden your face from us
and have given us over to our sins.

⁸ Yet you, LORD, are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.

Also see Is. 29:16, Is. 45:9, Jer. 18:1-6, and Rom. 9:19-21.

I haven't thoroughly studied this, but what a revelation it is in this era of self-help resources! I don't have to change myself, but I do need to submit to God changing me. Imagine the clay trying to mold itself. He is the potter. I just need be on the pottery wheel and submit to His molding.

Influence and Appreciation

This morning I realized one reason (not the only reason, but a very significant one) that God led me to be a math education major in college. Lately, with my new thoughts on education, I have really questioned the path I took through high school and college; but I remember clearly that the Holy Spirit led me to major in math education when I was just a junior in high school. Today I have a level of understanding I didn't previously have, thanks to this revelation (which came during praise and worship at church, as insights often do for me.) It still doesn't answer all of my questions, but I am happy to have this piece of the puzzle and wanted to share it.

I realized that God led me to be a math education major so that I could be discipled by a certain mathematics professor, Dr. Rakestraw, a true hero of the faith. From the first semester of my freshman year through my senior year, I was privileged to learn from this great man. I believe there was only one or two semesters of college when I didn't take one of his classes (very unusual, even in a small department like mathematics.) Dr. Rakestraw was a tremendous teacher. He held down a consulting job with a major oil company "to support his teaching habit." He was the real deal: a true mathematician, published original mathematics and all; AND he could explain calculus and linear algebra so that everyone in the class could understand (a truly rare combination.) But the real influence on my life was his walk with the Lord. Every semester he started the first class with "Axiom 1," as he called Col. 3:17, "Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." He would tell us that he believed in tithing, and not just money. He believed in tithing time, so in our 50 minute classes, we would give the first 5 minutes each day to God. In those 5 minutes a day (or 10 if he really got going) for the 6+ semesters I sat under him, I received about 24 hours of solid Bible teaching and character training. He would usually open his Bible and share something he had personally been reading or something that the Lord had shown him. Occasionally he would have a book recommendation or a story or some advice for us to follow, but mostly it was simply the Word and his thoughts on it. Those 24 hours have stood me in much better stead than the 240 or so hours of mathematics he taught me (although those were good, too, just not eternal.) In addition, Dr. Rakestraws life exemplified godliness. He was a man of integrity and was always soft-spoken, loving, and kind, even to his most obtuse students. He also demonstrated his belief that God had a plan for each of us.

As a result of his example for most of the six years I taught high school and junior high mathematics, I began each class in a similar manner (at least most classes, unfortunately I was less consistent than Dr. Rakestraw.) I pray that some of my words impacted my students the way Dr. Rakestraw's did me, but I KNOW that I got much benefit out of teaching a small Bible lesson 5 times a day to my classes (that was over 300 hours of teaching the Bible, even allowing for a lot of skipping!) It is true that the teacher learns the most, and God's Word does not return void.

Isaiah 55:11
"so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Dr. Rakestraw passed into the next life ten years ago and the world is a poorer place without him. I am eternally grateful for his influence and look forward to thanking him in person some day, but today I am going to write a Christmas card to his widow (thank goodness for the internet, I just hope the address is correct) telling her what I wish I would have told him when he was alive.

Thank you, Dr. Rakestraw, for your obedience to daily teach your students from the living Word of God; and thank You Lord for leading me to a university and a major that put me in the position to learn from such a man.

So much going on inside

Honestly I cannot even describe it. God is working in several areas of my life. I am feeling such a draw towards small groups/Bible study/discipleship. I also must let go of my clutter and some things that aren't clutter, but have become idols to me (I only discovered that they were idols after God spoke to me about getting rid of them.) I am in the process of following the Lord in something He told me to do in regards to orphans, but I am sensing a shift and am a bit scared by it. I have many excuses that roll around in my head part of the time, but the most of the time there is a sense of excitement all over me.

Just yesterday a blogger I follow posted this: http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2010/12/nets.html

And this morning I read in Hebrews 10 again (have been "stuck" there for some time.)

Heb. 10:23-25
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.

"The day" is definitely drawing near. In this verse I see small group and individual discipleship and encouragement.

Heb. 10:32-34
But remember the former days, when, after being enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly, by being made a public spectacle through reproaches and tribulations, and partly by becoming sharers with those who were so treated. For you showed sympathy to the prisoners, and accepted joyfully the seizure of your property, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and an abiding one.

We do not value persecution like they once did. Accepting it joyfully. Not happy about the persecution, but thankful that we are counted worthy to suffer for the Lord's sake, and willing to take that stand. Not just fighting the persecution with politics. We have a better possession and an ABIDING ONE!

Heb. 10:37-38
For yet in a very little while, He who is coming will come, and will not delay. But My righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, My soul has no pleasure in him.

May I not shrink back! I was put here for His glory, and I want to give pleasure to Him. He will give me the grace I need to follow Him all the way if I provide a willing heart. By His grace, I will put actions to my words.

One more thing: I realized that all of this is going on INSIDE me, yet most people who know me would never know it. I hope to change that. To let my light shine. It scares me to think that people may know what a freak, what a radical, I am; but I am ready to drop my nets and follow Him.

God's word impacting real life--the story of the minivans

I have a story to tell today. It is a story I am currently living, a story that is not finished. It is not normally in my nature to tell about things like this, I prefer anonymity and being behind the scenes, but the Lord really prompted me to write about it here.

About six months ago the air conditioning in my minivan quit working. It was May and it was going to cost about $1000 to fix. I had the money, but at this point I started to wonder if it was time for a van upgrade. My 2000 Dodge Grand Caravan had been a huge blessing to me (and it is its own God story), but maybe it was time to move on. I did some looking and narrowed down what I wanted: a Toyota Sienna, 2005 or newer, 8 passenger, with a CD player but preferably not a DVD player. The bad part was that I would have to take out a loan, and I am extremely against debt, having been deep in debt, DEEP in DEBT, at one point in my life and having received revelation from God about my finances. All the same, I started praying for my Toyota Sienna.

At this same time, God impressed me to give my current minivan to a friend of mine who is also a widow. I won't go into her situation, but I knew she would really benefit from having a reliable vehicle. I felt bad that she would have to fix the A/C, but that sure seemed a lot cheaper than buying a new car. Of course all of MY money would have to go to the new vehicle...

The deal is, it isn't MY money. I already knew that. I have had that revelation for years. In fact, money was probably one of the first areas of my life that I came to totally trust God in. I felt God prompting me to fix the A/C. So I did.

Before getting the A/C fixed, I excitedly called my friend to ask if she was having vehicle troubles. She wasn't at that exact moment (other than her A/C being out), but she described the constant worry she was in about her vehicle. I told her that I was praying for her and that God knew her difficulties since He was prompting me to pray. Was it a lie? Not exactly, but I sure didn't tell her that He told me to give her my van.

After I got the A/C fixed on the Dodge, I lost my motivation to buy a new minivan. I still halfheartedly looked and visited car lots on my way home from church, occasionally checked Craig's list, etc. But the excitement and motivation wasn't there. I almost (but not quite) forgot what the Lord had told me to do.

Fast forward six months to November 15 (two days ago.) My Dodge Grand Caravan is running great. I had completely stopped looking for my Toyota Sienna. I had even pretty much stopped praying about it, except when I happened to notice one and think about it (not often.) I thought about my friend. I hadn't talked to her in a while. She is almost never on Facebook, but I posted on her FB wall (after seeing she had posted a couple of pictures so still was coming to FB, at least occasionally.) Later that day SHE posts on FB that she needs to find a new car because her mechanic told her it was time to give up on the one she has. She was looking for wise council and a reputable car dealer. God immediately brought back to my remembrance what He had instructed me to do. I prayed about it, saying, "But I need a vehicle to drive. I can't just give mine away and have nothing, and I don't have the TIME right now to do a car search, You know how time consuming that is, God." I wasn't unwilling, exactly, just not seeing how it would all work out and feeling like I was in a busyness crunch with the holidays coming up. I wasn't quite trusting, yet. I felt God prompting my heart that he would find the right van for me and it wouldn't take up an inordinate amount of time. I looked online briefly and saw that the one car dealer I personally know (he is a friend of my dad's) had a 2000 Toyota Sienna with lower miles than my van for an amount I could pay cash for. Hmmm...I prayed about it, felt pretty good about it, decided to sleep on it before doing anything drastic.

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I prayed, read the Word in 2 Cor. 8 where Paul is talking to the Corinthians about giving. Verses 10-14 were especially appropriate.

2 Corinthians 8:10-14 (New Living Translation)

¹⁰ Here is my advice: It would be good for you to finish what you started a year ago. Last year you were the first who wanted to give, and you were the first to begin doing it. ¹¹ Now you should finish what you started. Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. ¹² Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. ¹³ Of course, I don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. ¹⁴ Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal.

WOW! Did you read that!?! Amazingly appropriate!!! When God speaks to me, He ALWAYS confirms it in His Word, if I ask and seek. That way, I know that I am not flying off willy-nilly, half-cocked. I have often been SHOCKED at how verses written thousands of years ago apply DIRECTLY to my situation. God is amazing!

I had woken up knowing what I was to do and starting to trust God with it, and after reading the above I was SURE. I then got on the computer to do a little research. I looked up Blue Book values of the 2000 Sienna and I went to another website to research the 2000 Sienna. That website had a "search for cars in your area" button, so I clicked it and it took me to AutoTrader. Listed on AutoTrader was the 2000 Sienna that I already knew about and a 2001 Sienna with lower miles for a comparable price and with a free Carfax report. It was being sold by a private seller. I prayed...amazed that I had two good options. I felt best about the private seller, so I called the phone number at around 9:00 a.m. She mentioned that she didn't really want to sell the car, but her husband had recently died and she didn't need the extra vehicle anymore. I could go on and on and ON about this sweet lady and the coincidences and things we have in common and how great this minivan is and how she lowered the price to lower than the other one I was looking at and how much lower than blue book value I got it for; but to make a long story short, by 12:45 I was the happy owner of a 2001 Toyota Sienna with a CD player (and no DVD player) and was on the phone to my friend telling her that God told me to give the Dodge Grand Caravan to her.

Not just one, not just two, but THREE widows are blessed because of this. God is an AMAZING God! HE IS SO GOOD!!!

I am hoping that today I can get the Grand Caravan to my friend. Also, you may have noticed that my new Sienna is not a 2005 or newer, also it doesn't seat 8 (they didn't start making ones that seat 8 until 2005.) I am super-excited, because I am confident that that minivan will come at the right time for the right price and that I won't have to take out a loan and that I will be able to bless someone else with the 2001 Sienna. The way God has worked this out has been so amazing that it leaves no room for doubt that I am in His good hands. I don't need to fret or worry...just listen and obey. His plans are ALWAYS better than our plans. And I can tell you, it TRULY is more blessed to give than to receive!

Examples

"...shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock." II Peter 5:2-3

From the margin of my Bible there are six verses cross-referenced to the phrase "examples to the flock." Look them up and see if there are marginal note for them.

John 13:15
Phil. 3:17
1 Thess. 1:7
2 Thess. 3:9
1 Tim. 4:12
Titus 2:7

"For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example, because we did not act in an undisciplined manner among you." 2 Thess. 3:7 (this was not cross-referenced above, but was cross referenced from 2 Thess. 3:9.)

Ouch. I could not say this to my children and have it be the truth. I have to work on my own life before I can set a good example for them. "Do as I say, not as I do" is not a Godly principle. I need to have the Holy Spirit show me where my example needs to change and then look to Him for the strength to change it.